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Amy Elizabeth
Hi, my name is Amy. I am a mom of three and have been married since 2010. My family and I have lived in Germany for the last nine years. I've come a long way from the fearful, sad, angry, and at times suicidal person. I love to write about my experiences living with CPTSD in order to relate and encourage other people. I also love to sprinkle some Jesus in there too. This world can be a lonely place; I would love to make it a little less lonely. Come join me and bring a friend! -Amy

The Dance of Rebuilding: You Know My Name

                 I thank God that he knows my name and he has never forgotten it. ~Amy I love this song, "You Know My Name" by Tasha Cobbs because it screams out in song what I'm thinking. I'm so thankful that someone knows me inside and out. At the moment when tears fill my eyes because I'm tired and weary and frustrated and hopeless again. Even I wonder, "Why does it wound the soul so much?" I close my eyes, breath goes in slow and deliberate and comes out forcefully to distract myself. It of course doesn't work and tears began to glide down my cheeks. I purse my lips together and suck at my bottom lip, anything to stop the inevitable.  And as the seconds walk by, I feel it. I feel myself becoming... becoming still not shaky. becoming strong and no longer so wobbly. my voice transitions from cracking to sure and confident. Although my eyes are still closed, and my tears still stream, I open my mouth to belt out these words, straight from God. I chu
Recent posts

Finally the Truth with Clarity!

  So I'm in church this morning, the 11am service, and I am just excited to be there and learn something today. Boy was I in for a surprise when Pastor Jon uttered the title of the message, "How Can I know the Will of God for my Life?" Like seriously? I've been asking this question for... forever! I think it's human nature to wonder what one's purpose on this earth is all about. So I am ready for this message and listen intently while taking notes.                "If we become the right people so much will fall into the right place." So pastor Jon organized 4 talking points. The first point; Who does God want Me to Be as a Person? The answer: be saved and grow! (1Timothy 2:3, 1Thessalonians 4:3). It sounds so simple and feels so attainable. Learning more and more about God AND following his lead, gradually transform us into the person he wants us to be in our hearts. No. not how to dress or act like you are saved but how to have the Love of God in yo

Lost My Mom and Gained Moms.

I've wanted to write this letter for a while now. I realize that I say that line often,  The reason why I say that well that's a whole 'nother blog to which I will write one day. I can remember this day so clearly and the emotions are still so raw.  This blog however is not sad but it expresses the epiphany that God had revealed to me over the years. However, I have to start from the beginning. In short, June 18, 1996 my dad and mom left the house for a routine doctors appointment. The appointment was for my mom in regards to her Lupus care. Little did I know, as I waived good bye that it would be the last time I would see my mom in this life.  Learning all the “woman stuff ”without someone to teach me was like stumbling through a maze. I was so hurt that God took her away. I felt a strong allegiance to my mother and vowed no one would take her place.   But God is a gracious God and he replenishes what we need.  My mother's best friend, Mrs. Betty became a mother on sta

It's the Thorns for me!

 Ok so I've been wanting to write this for sometime. I've had this title in my head for a couple weeks but I could never get the time to sit and write.  When I had the time, I was too worn out to give it my all.  However, here we are...well here I am. Writing. Finally! I started thinking about when Paul asked God to take away his thorns. Paul says, " Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me." (2 Cor 12:8)  I wondered what this meant in my life and my thorns? One of the things that bother me most about CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) is the lingering post effects.  CPTSD most often occurs after experiencing prolonged trauma during childhood, be it sexual, physical, or emotional trauma or a combination. I must highlight that it affects the interpersonal development of the child.  Anyway, the point here is the post effects... The Thorns.  My thorns dig into my soul like clockwork and usually without obvious warning. Emotional dysregulati

The Long Journey Home 💔----> 💖

My Naomi Story Where do I even begin... this one is heavy guys but it has a happy ending, spoiler alert.  Here we go.... So I'm in church and Pastor John is teaching today. His message title is "Injecting Purpose in Pain" and I already know this is going to be good. Everyone has been through some type of pain and I love how he injects so much life into the "characters" of the bible.   He is preaching from the book of Ruth, there are only four chapters, not too overwhelming, so I thought. He begins to set up the story: the people involved are Naomi, her husband, their two sons and their daughters- in-law. Naomi met and married her boo thang Elimelek (I am going to call him Eli for short) and they were "living their best lives". Eventually Naomi conceived twice and had two boys. I'm sure they were elated to have two boys, boys were really popular during those times. So some years go by the boys are adults now and I imagine they help bring in mo

Follow the Light!

  Hi guys. I'm back! You may not know it but it's been a couple of weeks since I got the chance to ride my bike and be inspired. Fret no more, he's spoken. LOL. I am getting corny. What am I saying, truth be told, I've always been corny I just accept it now. Anyway, I've been feeling antsy lately and snapping on my poor kids and husband. My skin was crawling again and I felt restless. Maybe that's the aura God gives me so that I can separate myself and hear his calling, his voice. Or maybe I just need to release energy, either way it worked, it always works. So, I finally make it out the house, after cooking dinner and attending to the kids, my hubby, you know, Mom stuff. It's getting late just on the cusp of dusk which instills an urgency in me. It feels like my mind is racing, my heart is racing but my body seems to move slow. I couldn't find my headphones, I couldn't get my music to stream and I didn't have my helmet. I was flustered but I was

Fallen Soul

  So I’m on another bike ride and I’m going through the forest that I frequently ride through. This was a few days after a storm. The ground was wet and heavy; it seemed to suck my bicycle tires into the ground. I was sweating, my breathing was heavy and full and fast. I was exhausted but determined to make it through the forest without stopping, no matter how slow I had to ride.  As I reached the mid way point in the forest I saw a large, fallen tree. It hadn’t hit the forest floor yet and was slightly propped up by surrounding standing trees. I had to stop. I marveled at its majestic beauty. I see beauty in such strange things now. Of course as I stare at this fallen tree suspended by other standing trees I ask myself why does this image resonate with me?   I remembered back when I first dragged myself to counseling only after my now husband practically begged me to go. He looked up several counselors, found one he thought I would feel comfortable with and gave me all the informatio